The Queen Grandmother & Queen Mother

Queen Mother is what they call Dina and Queen Grandmother is what they call mom. My neice Samantha was voted Homecoming Queen at her high school two nights ago. We saw video of her getting her sash and her big 'ole crown. There is a ceremony at the school tonight - where the court gets escorted by their parents, etc., etc.... Lots of griping because it's 50 degrees here at night and the ceremony is outdoors (I can hear the violins.....) There are actually 4 events that they make appearances at - did you know that? So...tonight is the big ceremony and tomorrow night is the homecoming dance. Kind of cool, because my nephew Trystan will also be at the dance - he's a freshman. My neice is a hottie, so Trystan is sure to be more popular than he already is! *smile*

Have fun tonight Dina, Mark, and Samantha. Love you lots!! Congratulations!

Smiles

These flowers are beautiful - they came a few days ago. Mom loves them!

Update: The new medication regime seems to be working - no massive headaches in the mornings...although mom has been sleeping a lot longer in the mornings - still getting used to the meds. She is becoming acclimated already. I have noticed some overall weakness. The oxygen has helped the breathing.

Visits from friends are awesome. When mom is having an emotional or a bad day, the visits from her friends here in Florida are a real comfort for her. She gets tired of us all the time....having to depend on us gives her a feeling of loss of control. Having friends come by renew that sense of control of her life. We love you all....thanks for stopping by and spending some quality time with mom. She loves your visits.

Mornings are emotional for mom - but not because she's dying; because she's confused. She wakes up with so much on her mind...and she can't seem to make sense of any of it. I assure her she's not alone. :

The flowers in the picture have little candy canes in them....there are signs of holidays everywhere, just not feeling them......I remember this feeling when Harry and Papa Sal died....in fact when Papa Sal died, Ronald Reagan's inaugural ball was on TV (mom was watching it downstairs) and Papa was watching a hockey game upstairs. So many eerie coincidences with mom/papa's last few months experiences.

OK - next post will be happier, I promise.

Update and Mom and Phone Calls

It's Gina, back from Virginia. Things have changed over the past few days....mom is taking oxygen more, but the morning headaches are getting worse, not better - plus breakthrough pain and sleeping more. She continues to have periods of confusion as well. Yesterday, there were three hospice visits, the RN, the Physicians Assitant, and the home health aid. They are hearing some fluid in mom's lungs. I heard that the PA was "a pissa" as they say in NY. She is a native NYer, was a RN for about 20 years, and a PA for about 15. She was also a nun. Dina said she was sort of masculine. She asked Dina if she knew how the name 'nun' came about. Dina said 'no' and the PA said, "It's because you get nun in the morning, nun at noon, and nun at night".....ROTFLOL

For the pain, they have upped the meds substantially, and we are now administering them around the clock. She's in the same adjustment period on the meds as she was the first time they adjusted the meds. Had a major munchie attack yesterday, ate Lays potato chips, full sized candy bar, and picked out lots of items on the chinese food menu. My mom's a stoner. LOL.... P.S. Do not send any munchies our way, our friends Larry, Lorraine and Linkon sent a basket with enough goodies to last a year. : )

On phone calls....(and visits for that matter), please consider not asking questions that are time related, as in 'when did so and so visit' or 'when will so and so visit'....anything that involves a calendar or mom having to read and comprehend something. The confusion leads to stress, stress leads to pain....you get the picture. Mom needs to get used to the meds before the confusion/irritation calms. Also, mom will grabe the phone before we do, and if she does and she sounds sleepy...please ask for one of us. If anyone needs information about visits, please call me at 703-731-3464 or Dina at 352-428-5585

Can't imagine what it's like to be mom right now...actually I can imagine it because we are on the other end of it....but when she asks for something and we can't find it....it has to be frustrating as h*ll for her....because she can't just get up and find it herself. She's being a good sport about it --about 90% of the time. : )

Today we cleaned out drawers--made our throw away piles, our donation piles. It helps her to feel in control of at least some of the things in her life.

Sunday Update

Mom's nights and mornings have not been pain free. : ( Nights are at a scale of 3 or 4 though, much better than before. We manage to get her comfortable and to fall asleep quickly. The trick is to talk to her until you bore her to tears and she falls asleep. (joking...it's actually a combination of boring conversation and meds...hehe)

Mornings have been different, however. She's been waking up with headaches, and yesterday's was pretty bad. We had asked the nurse about this, and she asked if mom was using oxygen yet (she wasn't). Mom (being mom) didn't want to start oxygen when company was here, and we had company over the weekend. When she woke up yesterday with the headache, Dina and I explained to her that we heard her shallow breathing the night before - the breaths are definitely not deep enough, and it's probably causing her headaches. Last night at dinner time, she asked for oxygen. Dina and mom are sleeping in, so I'm guessing it's working well - will keep you posted on the status.

We had a great day yesterday - my cousins Chris and Laura, my Aunt Joyce, and Bill were here. Mom actually moved from the recliner to the couch to hang with her two honeys....and Bill showed a bunch of photos on his computer. When mom and Bill were living together, mom became very interested in Bill's garden/landscaping, so he's been taking photos and bringing them to her to keep her updated. After some snacks - we retreated to mom's room to watch a movie...again, 3 in the bed - this time two in the twin sized hospital bed (smile) and me hanging in a chair. We watched Sex and the City. My cousin Christopher chose not to join in the chick fest (Bill had no choice) and made our dinner. For my friends in Virginia concerned if I'm eating...I have to say "are you kidding me?" It's been an Italian love-fest since we found out at the beginning of October. What that means is, whatever mom wants....and it's mostly been Italian food....Italian cookies and pastries...it's crazy.

Mom and Bill

Bill, you are the light in mom's life. My sisters and I are so greatful to have you and your beautiful daughter Courtney in our lives, especially during this difficult time.

Mom lights up like a Christmas tree when you enter the room. Her stress level drops, and in turn her pain level drops. She thoroughly enjoys your visits and how you take care of her. The other morning when you were over...and mom called us into the room to hear that Randy Travis song...that was a memory that we will always treasure. And then mom listening to the Rod Stewart CD and smiling and saying "I can be sick as a dog, but this music still puts me in a romantic mood".....nice memories

For everyone else who is visiting...we know you have come a long way, we know your time with mom is limited, but when Bill visits, if you can allow them a little alone time when he comes by, I know that mom would appreciate it.

Visitors

Mom loves the company, a huge THANK YOU to everyone who has stopped by. I can't say it enough, if you are going to visit, sooner is better than later. To control the pain, hospice will up the meds......and mom will not be the same

The weekend of 8 November, our step-brother and his wife and daughter will be staying with us, and a friend of mom's will be stopping by for a visit.

Other relatives had discussed coming to town the weekend of November 8th...we are happy to have everyone stop by, but it would be very helpful if you could call us that weekend to schedule a time to stop by.....and again, sooner than the 8th would be better due to mom's condition.
Gina's cell - 703 731-3464

Gifts...

This is one HUGE basket to cure the munchies! This full sized basket came today, everyone was VERY impressed. Huge bags of chips, full bags of twizzlers, and chocolate bars. Thanks you guys....you are the best. Loved the note as well! Took mom a minute to realize who you were, and when she did, she was surprised and thrilled. She remembered my BFF and his beautiful, sweet girlfriend.


A cornucopia of dreamy chocolate ganache...how beautiful is this? The picture doesn't do it justice. There is a whole lot of love in this basket. It was hand-carried from NYC, and the person hand carrying said that if TSA was going to take it away from her, she was going to eat each ganache and call mom to describe what each one tasted like. HAHAHAHA

OK...a panda bear named Zowie has joined our group of presents....caught the panda and the teddy on the couch. Interracial love....shocking....

• The card with the personal note and song lyrics came a few days ago....you know who you are. Mom asked to read that note at least 5 times today. Thank you, thank you, thank you. It meant the world to mom.

Update

Just wanted to drop everyone a note on mom's status. I was gone only for a few days, and I have noticed some subtle changes since I've been back. Mom is confused sometimes, and it is not due to medication. There has been some mild breakthrough pain, which is a bit disconcerting because she is on enough painkillers for an elephant. On the positive side, she's still eating well, and is in good spirits. She's talkative and has been enjoying the company that has been coming by.

A big thanks to our cousins who are visiting. Jenn, Jacki and Anthony...we love you to death. Thank you soo much for helping us....the visit has been awesome and we appreciate everything you are doing for us. We are such a close family....in good times and in bad....it's all about family...it's all about love.....Mwah!

Random Thoughts

It's Gina again. Just a random thought about marketing. Dina went to the mailbox after mom was home for a few days. A few things in the mailbox that morning are still haunting me, so I thought I'd share. Just weird coincidences...... junk mail with the line on the envelope about pre-paying for your cremation.....and my favorite...the JCrew Catalog...mom hadn't ordered for a while, so on the cover page, in big bold lettering said, "Rosemary, is this really goodbye?".....

Catalog companies should re-think who they are sending those catalogs too....maybe after a certain age, they shouldn't send statements like that? Or, just leave the state of Florida out of that kind of advertising altogether....

Every notice that some days your life is like a really bad sitcom? We could sell some of this material. Maybe I should write Tina Fey....

Barry Manilow Songs...

Mom was singing Barry Manilow songs today in the shower. We were singing right along with her....which at any other time in my life, I would not admit to. : ) .....Dina was singing them too! See what I did, I threw my sister under the bus. HAHAHAHAHAHA

The bear came at dinner time - mom loves the bear, and the balloons! She is feeling the love and support from everyone - Dina talked with mom a little bit about that today....about the love and the sharing with everyone.

Mom had some meaningful telephone conversations (and some silly ones) with friends today. All in all, a very good, pain free day.

I head home 2morrow for a few days, coming back on Wednesday. Toni will be stopping by to help out Dina on Mon & Tues. It's hard to go home - when I left last time, I had such a hard time leaving Dina and Toni (& Bill, mom's boyfriend) to take care of everything. *sigh* This is so hard.

Early this morning...

I woke mom at 4:30am to give her some meds. After she took her meds, she pulled me down to her and whispered in my ear, "Does this still feel like a dream to you too?"

Another good day....

Not 100% pain free, but mostly pain free. Dina and I are getting the hang of the pain control and we are more specific with hospice, so we are able to manage more effectively. She's getting more accustomed to the drugs, so definitely more lucid today. She sat at the table in her wheelchair and had dinner with me, Dina, Toni and the boys tonight, and went through some catalogs. She's been hanging out in the living room in the recliner for a few hours a night. She is totally uninhibited...when her boyfriend Bill was here, she was sharing probably more than Bill was comfortable with, which is funny!! Bill seemed OK with it all though, he's just taking it in stride.

Pajama gram came today! Mom loved the pajamas!

Flowers & Fruit - Thank you!

Incredible Edible bouquet is spectacular, and came just when we had company - thought you'd like to see it. And the sunflower/iris bouquet came around the same time. The iris flowers opened up today - they are beautiful, mom said, "oooh...I love those yellow sunflowers". And for those who are wondering, the edible bouquets are as fresh and tasty as they look.

Zero Pain

Mom was pretty much at pain level zero all day today, and she got some much needed rest. Still stoned but deliriously happy. When we are moving her from spot to spot, she rests her head on our shoulder and sings to us or wants to dance.

She answers the phone, and if the person on the other end doesn't ask for one of us, they don't really know what's going on. So....she talks and slurs on the phone. So...apologies to anyone who may have been talking with mom today. I can assure you that she's still pretty lucid....just high. The hospice nurses told us that the sleepiness will wear off in a few days.

Great day overall!

Mom has the Munchies.....

We are sitting on the couch, our mom is on the recliner and in no pain whatsoever. She's high as a kite and silly/happy. In fact, she has the friggin munchies....had Dina making some dip for some potato chips, and she just chowed on a mini butterfinger. Hilarious......she was singing "head and shoulders, knees and toes" a little while ago. Funny, funny, funny. They say that the sleepy high will wear off to some degree in a few days.

: )

How did this happen?

Or as my friend Dona so eloquently put it, “HOLY SHIT!!! OMG that is insane.” On September 30th, mom was at work. On October 1st, she went into the hospital for some tests (they found a mass on her lung on a ct scan the week before). This hospital gives a full battery of tests all in one day with results and visits from different doctors. The second day you are supposed to come back for your biopsy. The first day they ran a bunch of tests that showed that mom is at Stage 4 lung cancer, the cancer is in her bones, her liver, her blood, and in the fluid around her brain (although we don’t know to what extent. They found multiple fissures in her spine, floating pieces of bone from the spine, pelvic stress fracture, neck stress fracture, etc., etc…) By the end of the day the oncologist came in and Dina asked straight up, if I was going to tell family to visit, when should they come. The oncologist said, “next week”. They kept her in the hospital for calcium in her blood, and by Friday, she could no longer walk. She can stand and pivot and take a few steps, but too weak and painful to do anything else.

How did she wind up going for a ct scan? Mom had clear lung x-ray and a sinus ct-scan about 6-7 months ago. Her lungs were clear, but her sinus’ had issues. Mom had sinus surgery a few months ago. She wasn’t healing from it, and had to keep going back and getting cleaned out. She was on percocet for a few weeks, which was masking all of her other aches and pains, and as a rheumatoid and osteo-arthritis sufferer, she was always in some sort of pain. She just attributed all of the pain to the sinus surgery and the arthritis. She did cough up blood though, so they decided to do another ct scan, which showed a 4 – 5 cm mass on her lungs.

The question on everyone’s mind is, where did it start? We all have our own different theories, the docs think it was the lungs, based on the type of cancer cells. We’re puzzled by the bone fractures, and are wondering if it didn’t start in the bones? Moot point….we are sort of getting over ‘where did it start’…at this point, it doesn’t really matter.

It’s been a very surreal experience for all of us. Dina was there at the hospital and giving us updates. Again, from being at work on a Tuesday, to not walking on Friday. Very, very surreal. And, she’s been home for one week, and her narcotics are now at 10 times the dosage she was on a week ago.

Hospice has been great, they come almost every day, we have home health care as well and social workers that visit. I have been fortunate enough to take leave, and plan on spending a lot of time here through November. Dina and I take turns and support each other in the evenings, and our sister Toni comes every day and spends time with mom. We're supporting one another and doing well.

Happier News

Hi everyone, it's Gina. I finally have a few minutes to write an update. A few things first - one is that we did not tell my mom that this blog is up, so we'd appreciate it if you didn't mention it to her if you happen to call.



This blog is for mom's family and friends...to let you know how she is doing, and to let you know when she's needing a pick-me-up phone call or a visit from her friends here in Florida.



After a few very bad nights (last night her sisters were here, she was at a heart-wrenching pain scale of 10), we had a visit from a hospice nurse who adjusted the medications we have been providing to mom. I am very happy to report that mom said that her pain scale this evening was a "1"....for the first time in a few weeks. In order to get her there, they've been gradually adding narcotics, and she is on 10 times the narcotics she was on just a week ago. She is happy and pain free, and she asked us if we wanted her to do a jig for us when we were moving her from the living room to the bedroom. So, if she seems a little confused if you call, or doesn't always make sense, it's because she's pain free. Think of her as your favorite waspy housewife or celebrity addicted to prescription meds.... It's making her goofy, funny, and in a good mood, and it's making us relieved. She's lucid, just loopy around medication time. Our only concern now is that she's going to want to fly....(just kidding)...



Thank you for all of the cards, letters, gifts, phone calls and support. If you are worried about what to expect or what you are going to say when you call, just know that she's thinking the same thing. In the end though, her conversations with everyone have been mostly about the shock of it all, and they end with talking about what's going on in your lives. She's very interested in how your children are doing, how you are doing, and in general what's going on in your life…as she says, “it’s about sharing the love.” She is definitely feeling the love and support from everyone.


A BIG thank you to our families and friends who have been supportive of not only mom; but my sisters and I at this very hard time in our lives.

I can’t say enough about both of mom’s families, her family by blood, and her Marlowe family.

To our immediate family, your visits have been awesome. Picture a queen sized bed, and a hospital bed in one room. Then picture mom’s 3 sisters (Aunt Laraine is a sister as far as we are all concerned) and mom all lined up in a row watching movies. BFFs…..

Cousin Eddie, mom loved your stories, updates and family pictures…we all did. It doesn’t get any better than sharing with those you love, even during hard times. Love you cuz….thanks for visiting, it meant a lot to share some quality time. We need to do that more often….

To mom's Marlowe family, my sisters and I will be forever grateful to you. Because of her work at Marlowe, her self-confidence and self-esteem grew and grew. You have an amazing support system…everyone has been so helpful….I’m verklempt! Mom loves all of you, and we all appreciate the visits, flowers, gifts, food and everything that you have been doing for us. Big hugs to everyone. Thank you for visiting, it always brightens mom’s day to catch up with you all on what’s going on with school and in your lives.

That’s all I have for now, I will try to update this blog every few days.

Thanks again for all of your good vibes and warm fuzzies…

Sad News

Last week RoseMary was diagnosed with terminal cancer. The news came as a shock to all of her family and friends as only the week before, everything was routine.

Physically, she is in pain, but the medication helps control that enough. Unfortunately, she is bed ridden due to the damage to her bones.

Mentally, she is alert, happy, and enjoying all the attention.

Spiritually, she seems to be dealing with the issues involved.

The hospice care has been great and that is a big part of her being herself.



Cards, gifts or flowers can be sent to:
4216 Prado Lane
New Port Richey, FL 34655

Check back here for updates and photos.